My Immortal Love
by MantyMouse
Summary: AU, slash and love triangle. Faith needs forgiveness but Buffy is at the end of her tether, yet in finding more forgiveness she finds something more for Faith...will 'more' withstand the return of Angel? Will Faith cope with loss again?
1. Rooftop

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own it! Any of it, except the original thinking. Full credit goes to Joss and his team, and the actors for bringing it to life for me!_

**Author's Note: **_**PLEASE REVIEW! **__I hope you like it…_

**Story Starter: **_Au, love triangle, Buffy/Faith/Angel. Begins in Sunnydale, no given time or series, just imagine Faith and Angel are both around but it's not really to do with the vampire-y events. Buffy and Angel are dating and Faith and Angel are friends. Story begins on the roof of a warehouse where they have just saved the world, Faith was good but a human was involved with the end of the world, and when they should have handed him into the police for meddling with spirits and spells and trying to destroy everything Faith killed him instead. _

-*-

Faith waited on the roof. For Buffy. _What am I supposed to say anyway? Oh I'm so sorry I killed a guy, think you can forgive me? Again. _There was the clattering of heels on the stairs and Faith turned to face her fate, it all rested in the hands of the one person she was desperate not to lose, the only one she ever cared for. There was a moment's contemplation for Faith. A moment which she used to contemplate the soft Swede jacket that Buffy wore, the jeans that clung to her long, slim legs, her black high-heeled boots and her stunning, if a little dishevelled, blonde curly hair. All things that were worth more than a moments thought- more thought than she'd ever to give to the clothes she herself wore.

"I don't know what to say Faith. I've given you all the forgiveness I have in me, you can't ask me for any more 'cause there isn't any. I'm through with this, beyond through with this, I was through with it last time you killed someone." Faith gulped her head spinning with right things to say and still she picked the wrong one, the thing at the forefront of her brain.

"Buffy you have…no idea. I needed your forgiveness but it wasn't enough." Buffy looked at her with a cross between anguish and hate.

"What more can I do Faith?!" She yelled. "What more do you want from me?"

"I need…I need…God you have no idea! What it's like here."

"Where Sunnydale? On top of this ex-vampire-ridden warehouse specifically or just generally on the hellmouth?" Her voice was verging hysterical as it wavered.

"Here in my head!" Faith yelled, "The other side Buffy. I think you must have gotten the good-slayer genes 'cause I got the craziness. Always in my head it's hell. There's no control, nothing's in control, nothing makes sense, once you've killed once you have to again to survive it's- I can't explain- nothing makes any sense any more, nothing you do, everything hurts and you hate everything. There's just pain and confusion, nothing means anything, you have no idea what it's like to-"

"Shut up!" Buffy yelled. "I _know _Faith. I killed Angel, and I should have died there with him. Nothing made sense. It was your choice it stayed that way." Faith choked back her retort, Buffy still didn't get it, it wasn't that simple, it never had been.

"I've been speaking to Angel…" She whispered, "While you were clearing up, he came up here to…" _To make sure I didn't do anything stupid. _She finished her sentence in her head. "He said there was no way you were gonna give me another chance. I just- _please_!"

"Faith I have given you chances, every chance I could. I don't think there's anything I can…even if I could, give me a reason why I should? What more can I give you? What more can you take?"

"Buffy I swear, you I never meant to hurt, of all people…you."

"Well you did." The words cut through her. Knifed Faith from the inside out, she gasped with the force of them.

"Buffy I'm so…please, just tell me how I can make it better. I'll do anything, please, just tell me what I can-" She broke, her voice cracked, she felt the tears falling before she knew what was happening, running down her face like empty rain drops. Buffy's face didn't soften though the tears hit her hard _Faith never cries, _she thought.

"Faith I don't think…there's anything I can do for you." She turned away and made to take her first step. It was harder than it looked. She turned back around. "But if there is anything I'll do it. I don't forgive you Faith, not this time, not yet. But I don't want to leave you here alone." Then she added with some resentment, "I don't think anyone deserves that."

Faith took hesitant, grateful steps towards Buffy, disbelieving as she reached her. They walked silently, together but apart, towards the stairs down from the roof. Angel was waiting at the bottom and Buffy was thankful, but not for his capacity as boyfriend, just yet, it wasn't the time or the place and it definitely wasn't a good time to leave a verging-on-suicidal Faith alone.

"What do you need me to do?" He saw Buffy's 'business' face on and recognised too that this wasn't the time and place for a cushy 'we saved the world cue long embrace' moment.

"Angel, can you take Faith down in the lift, she's tired. Then get her back to our place. I've got to check in with Giles, help our friends with the shiny badges clean up this mess and then work on a cover story for the apocalypse. I need to check Willow's ok too." Angel nodded,

"I've got her, don't worry." Buffy took a last glance, almost pitying, at Faith's dejected form and then turned and headed for the staircase at a fast pace.

Angel held the lift doors for Faith and then pressed the button for the ground floor. Faith said nothing. He took in her thin frame, she'd lost a lot of weight lately, circles under her eyes and the shaking when she stood still too long. He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders,

"Keep your strength up." He muttered. "It's your soul, does that to you when you kill people." Faith flinched as he said the word kill and looked up desperately at him.

"I'm not gonna make it through this one, how can I? How do I keep going through this?"

"By not thinking, just keep living. And day by day things will come up that make it better, eventually the pain will ease but it'll never stop, that's the bed you made now you have to lie in it." His voice was gentle but honest as they descended, there was no point in lying to her- she'd be living in hell, greater or lesser, for the rest of her life, but it wouldn't always be this hard. As the lift jolted to a halt, nearly sending unsteady Faith flying, Angel made to press the release button for the metal doors, but Faith yelped,

"Don't!" Angel looked right at her, forehead furrowed in a concerned frown, he reached for her arm,

"Faith. You're terrified aren't you?" She gulped in air desperately, looking around as though the tiny lift would provide some escape route for her.

"Angel, yeah, I'm terrified. Wouldn't you be? I just killed a guy, another guy, I mean how long can I keep running for? It's never going to work. I'm so scared when I walk across that factory floor that they'll all look at me and know, they'll judge me again, they'll hate me. Everyone is going to know what I've done. I'm shaking 'cause if I walk out there and a cop stops me how am I supposed to deny it? They'll know, they'll take me down, then that's me done, out for good. I can't do it Angel, I can't face it. Don't make me. Don't make me, please don't make me!" Her voice rose till it was hysterical. Angel held her head in both hands and forced her to look at him, then he leaned his head close to hers.

"I'm right there with ya, I know the feeling. But I'm here now too, and I'll protect you. Yes they're going to judge you, that's what you deserve, they might hate you but then I think you deserve that too. But nothing lasts forever. It'll be the hardest walk you've ever walked, but after the hardest things only get easier, right? So you're gonna stay close to me, you're going to look at the floor and hate yourself, but you're going to make it. You hear me?" Faith nodded against his head and took a deep breath. "And Buffy will have spun the police a story like, you were using a very long sword to kill a vampire and it accidentally speared him too- don't worry." Faith felt a smile and a laugh for his joke buried somewhere deep inside her, _well at least they're there somewhere, in case I ever need them again. _

Faith barely felt the walk side by side with Angel across the factory floor. Most people loitered at the edges, nursing themselves or others, the officials were stuffing bits of monster and daemon into large sacks- it was a morbid scene. Faith walked it watching her feet. Then she felt cold air hit her face again and she looked up, only when the wind stung a little did she touch her face and realise she'd been crying again. She shook her head in disbelief at her own weakness, Angel seemed to read her face,

"It's a good thing, crying is a part of the whole remorse process. C'mon the car is this way." Faith stepped into the passenger seat and leaned her head heavily against the window as the car stuttered into life; it's minimal heating doing very little. She watched lights trundle by without really seeing them, felt the turns in the road taking her towards Angel's place. The car stopped. "You can stay here for a while." Angel told her, "I've got a spare room out the back, it's dark but you'll get used to the lack of sunlight in my house." Faith nodded, heaving herself from the vehicle.

"Thanks." She muttered "Is B staying here?" Angel shrugged,

"On and off. She goes between here, Giles' place, and her house. Occasionally bringing along Xander and Willow, the three of them tend to stay together wherever they stay." Faith nodded. She liked the darkness of the building as she entered, it was somewhere she could hide, she already felt more comfortable when she knew Angel couldn't see her.


	2. Memory Lane

**Author's Note: **_Ok, for the story's sake we'll say Giles is still watcher (lets forget wes) The Gang= Angel, Buff, Xander, Cordy, Willow and Oz. Oz is still werewolfy and they know about it, Willow is witchy. Faith has been in sunnydale before, killed someone and forced to leave thus breaking her friendship with the gang. When she left she got out of working for the mayor so no coma and no ascention! keeping up? So angel and buff are the only ones that trust her now, they're not even sure they do. But she's back and she wants to be good. Except that last night during apocolypse stoppage...she killed someone. I think that's everything. :) hope you like it_, **_please review! _**

Buffy was the last to join the group in Angel's kitchen.

"Turned my house into a meeting place, love?" She smiled in relief to see him and threw herself into his arms.

"I'm sorry," She muttered into his shoulder, "Emergency. Sort of."

"I forgive you." He whispered, placing a tender kiss on her lips.

"Mmm, today was horrible." She stayed firmly in Angel's arms but turned to face the others. "Not least for Faith." There was a ripple of tension through the group. Besides herself and Angel, Xander, Willow and Oz leaned on the kitchen sink, Cordelia held back a little by the door, and Giles stood at the centre.

"She killed someone else." Giles said bluntly, "She's unstable, you're blind to it, both of you, but she'd never going to stop."

"She can! She will." Buffy insisted, "Right Angel?" He nodded,

"Rupert, she's just a girl, she's not a creature that can kill and live with it." He didn't add the inevitable end of the sentence, _not like a vampire. _Buffy gripped his hand tightly. There was silence.

"Um, forgive me for thinking something is more important but, we stopped the end of the world tonight. It's not over though, we have the stone of um, whats-a-majiggy, but it's not safe here, more of them will come and get it, right?" All of them looked at Xander, Giles with something close to exasperation.

"Stone of Eternity, yes."

"I'll take it." Angel's voice rang quiet and clear.

"No." Buffy whispered, "No, no, no. I am not letting you go."

"It's late." Cordelia cut in, "Ridiculously late. So I think we should all go home, and talk about this tomorrow."

"We don't have till tomorrow." Angel pointed out. Cordelia sighed impatiently,

"Well I do." They'd learnt to ignore her sarky comments by now. Giles took a deep breath,

"You can all go home, for once, Cordelia is right. Angel, would you check on Faith? I need a moment alone with Buffy." Everyone moved on his quiet, measured command, he always instilled a feeling of calm. Angel held Buffy's hand a moment longer, kissed it and then left to check the back bedroom. Buffy looked up at Giles,

"You're asking too much." She whispered.

"Actually I was going to ask very little," Her eyes snapped to attention, "I was going to ask Angel to drop the Stone off at the docks, to an old friend of mine, it would be very safe with him, he'll take it back home."

"Oh, but he could do that tonight, it'll take a couple of hours."

"Not those docks, the south docks, next town. It will take a few days, but it's less time than it would have taken to-"

"I know, thanks Giles. I appreciate that. I think he will too." Giles nodded and smiled a troubled smile.

"Another thing Buffy. Please remember that Faith is a murderer, you mustn't let her too close."

"What?" Buffy was outraged, "How can you even…?"

"I'm not saying leave her." He said quietly, "I just mean be careful, you have a soft spot for her, and I think you're letting your feelings for her cloud your judgement."

"Feelings?"

"You know what I mean." He held her gaze and Buffy nodded reluctantly. Angel appeared silently back in the room,

"South docks?" he asked. Giles nodded,

"I'd be much obliged if you could."

"Giles, you're so British, a simple 'yes' would always do." Buffy teased fondly

"I'll wait outside," He smiled warmly.

Angel and Buffy looked at each other.

"They're always taking you away." She whispered.

"I know. But Buffy," He pulled her close. "I love you."

"And I love you." The words caught hard in her throat as they held each other tightly,

"Then it'll be fine." He whispered, "I'll be back before you've even taken a breath."

"God, I hate this."

"I know." He kissed her hard on the lips, a long, beautiful moment and then he whisked away, leather jacket flowing behind him. The door banged heavily shut. Buffy held her breath as long as she could, then gave a long, slow sigh.

"Before I've even taken a breath, you're still gone Angel." Buffy looked around the hollow feeling flat and removed her jacket, letting it fall to the floor. She walked numbly past hers and Angel's bed in the next room and looked at the door of the spare, much smaller, bedroom, which was open just a fraction.

She pushed it open a little further and gasped at what she saw. Faith was sleeping, but fitfully, shivering although the blanket was pulled right up to her neck. She twitched and half turned every few minutes but that wasn't what got to Buffy. Her face was a picture of pity, a permanent frown resided there, making her look in pain, cuts and bruises littered her deathly pale faith and her lips were so colourless and chapped she looked ill. She was ill. Buffy sat close to her, next to the pillows, and laid a hand on Faith's arm.

"I dunno if you can hear me, I sort of hope you can't, but also hope you can. Oh god, that makes no sense- do over. So, I really need you to get better, I'm all alone here. Angel's gone out of town for a while, and I miss him already, and I miss you too. I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you needed it. I know accidents happen but we can't afford any more accidents to keep happening, especially not with you. I don't want anyone getting the excuse to hurt you, or chuck you out. I need you Faithy, come back to me, don't leave me here by myself. Remember that night, a long time ago, I know. But I still remember, you and me making the bed and then- we didn't even know what hit us, we were helpless, but I wish I was helpless again Faith."

***

"So we done here?" Faith tucked the last corner of the sheet under the mattress, curling a strand of chocolate-dark hair behind her ear.

"_Just about I- I like your top Faith?" Buffy blushed as she said it, she couldn't help it. Faith looked down at her plain black t-shirt, her breath quicker suddenly._

"_B are you…? Are you looking at my breasts?" There was a moment's delicate silence, a heartbeat of truth. _

"_What if I am?" Buffy whispered _

"_I don't know I- Buffy?" In a rush they were kissing, lips, skin, hands, any part they could kiss they kissed._

***

"Please, when you wake up, be the Faith I know, the one who's sarcastic and annoying, reckless and loving, and kind of crazy. Don't be the one that killed that man last night." Buffy leaned forwards and placed a tender kiss on Faith's forehead. Then she stood up and left quickly.

Buffy walked right into the kitchen and leaned on the sink, she had to get out of that bedroom. _Damn it, all those feelings I was meant to be locking up, they're coming out. That's not how it' supposed to work. _Tears were falling before she had any power to stop them, running down her face,

"I miss you Angel." Buffy sobbed, gripping to the work surface till her knuckles were white. "Damn it I miss you. When you're here, it makes sense. When you're not I'm supposed to work out my feelings myself and I hate it." Buffy ran her hand through her hair; _I wonder where he'll hide in daylight hours, _she thought absently.

Faith stirred a little, feeling the cold that had settled within her.

"Oh great, I'm gonna be ill, so much fun. Not." She pulled her damp her out from under her neck and sniffed. She heard an almost mimic sniff from the next room and listened, from the gentle hiccupping she knew it must be Buffy crying. _Why? I hope it wasn't me, again. _Then the sinking feeling came. Why she was so cold, so tired and achy, why Buffy was crying and she was in this flat; all because she'd got carried away in the thrill again. Down had gone the knife, and down had gone man number two.

***

"Faith flank them."

"_B I'm busy."_

"_Faith just do it!" Faith looked around wildly, B was going left, she had to go right. But not right now she had at least two vamps around her. She crouched, cat like, then leapt, catching hold of a beam some way above her. Crap. There was one up here. Left foot, right foot, grab it with her legs, hold it still- staked. _

_Faith jumped to the floor._

"_Faith!" Buffy yelled, further away, "Flank."_

"_I'm on it." Stab vamp to the left, swing a right hook, stamp vamp to the right- oh god. Oh not. Not vampire. Vampires disappear. "B!"_

"_Faith I'm busy."_

"_B! Help! Help me!"_

"_Hey Faith, I'm right here. Faith look at me, it's Angel, what have you…? Oh god."_

"_Help me, help me, I didn't want to, I swear I didn't mean to. No, no, no, oh god. Oh no. Somebody help! His blood, it's everywhere, oh god."_

"Faith!" Angel wrenched her arm away, looking around in panic, checking for witnesses. "Get the hell out of here. Now! Go." He pushed her, shoved her away. Faith dropped her stake and ran blindly, anywhere but here.

***

Faith pulled her heavy hands from under the duvet and spread them in front of her. No blood. She sat up, ran her hands through her hair and then checked them again. No blood. Carefully she ran her fingers across her face, her clothes, right down to her bare feet. Still no blood. Faith took a steadying breath.

"Ok, that's good. Just calm down girl, no blood, you'll be ok. It was an accident."

***

"It was an accident B."

"_Oh god." Buffy was shaking, crying, her hand over her mouth trying to stifle her sobs. It was a pretty poor sight. Angel lay below them, blood in a pool around him, his fists clenched, pounding the floor. His face was contorted with whatever pain vampires could feel, and if he'd been human he'd probably has been breathing heavily. "Oh Faith, I can't bare it, I can't bare it." _

"_Buff we'll- oh god- we'll get him to Giles, he'll help him, it'll be fine. We were fighting, you couldn't have known, B it'll be ok."_

"_I hate it Faith, look at him, look what I did." _

"_Buffy, I'm here, it's ok. It'll be ok." Buffy sobbed harder and turned to bury her head in Faith's shoulder, Faith wrapped her arms tightly round Buffy's precious body. "We'll make him better, I promise, he'll be fine." _

***

"Accidents happen Faith." She told herself, entwining her fingers in each other, weaving her hands together repeatedly. "It wont be like last time, you wont have to go." She felt hot liquid sliding down her cheeks and panicked. She caught it quickly with her hands and checked. No blood. Thank god. "It's ok, you're just crying. And Angel said that was a good thing; that is a good thing. It'll be ok, there's no blood on you."

***

"Faith I don't want this any more than you but, it's gone too far, you have to go."

"_I know, I didn't come to change your mind, I came to say bye."_

"_Where are you going?"_

"_If I tell you you'll know, and then look for me. I'll keep it a secret." Buffy had tears in her eyes but the rest of her face was cold._

"_It didn't have to be this way you know." Faith nodded, desperately trying not to join in Buffy's tears._

"_I was an idiot." She leaned forward, a hand on Buffy's cheek and kissed her forehead, leaving her lips touching the skin for a long time. _

"_You were a murderer Faith." That was it, the final blow, enough to let go and leave. She turned and hitched her rucksack a little high up her back, walking down the drive without a backward glance. Made it look easy. _

***

"Oh God. What have I done? It's not going to be ok."


	3. CocoPops

**Author's Note: **_This has taken a ridiculously long time, sorry! Anyway i hope you like it...**please review! xxx**_

"God this is never going to be ok. This is never going to be ok till you just get it done, it's the only way. But it can't be like last time." Speaking out loud was a comfort to Faith, made her feel like she was acting on someone else's orders as she packed her minimal belongings into the black holdall she'd brought to Sunnydale. She zipped it shut. "All done, now where's a- no on second thoughts, don't want to look in a mirror. I look a wreck." She ran a hand through her tangled, dirty hair, unwashed from the night before. "I've got to get out now." She convinced herself.

Faith hitched her bag onto her shoulder and walked, more certainly than she felt, out of the room. Past the bathroom, and Buffy and Angel's room and into the kitchen combined living room. She put her hand on the door handle.

"Faith! No…wait." _Damn it. _She couldn't turn to see Buffy it would make everything so much bloody harder.

"B, you know the drill."

"It's not like last time Faith."

"How?" Faith's voice was strangled when it finally found the ability to work,

"This is different. I can't keep sending you away every time something goes wrong. Faith I-" She hesitated, Faith turned around, slowly. Buffy wore a long sleeved white shirt and plain black trousers, her feet were bare and her hair was loose, hanging limply, it was unwashed too, like Faith's. "You've been gone for so long. I only just got you back, I am not going to give you up again, like I did before."

"Buffy, how can you say that? I killed someone."

"I don't care." Faith hated how Buffy made it so irrelevant, so easy, all of it. She pressed her eyelids tight together, praying when she opened them that Buffy's faithful image would have vanished. But she still shone there.

"You don't need me," Faith tried a different tack, "You're happy here, everyone is, you and Angel."

"We both want to help." Buffy pointed out fairly. "But I need you, Faith, you know what I mean, you can't deny it."

"Can't I?" She whispered, but let her bag fall to the floor with an echoing thud. "It hurts B, it burns, right through me. You have no idea what it feels like to- when you kill it changes you. God I can't bare it, I have to be away." She turned. Buffy stepped forward on impulse and grabbed Faith's hand. Her warm grip made Faith turn back around and look Buffy in the eye. Before she could make her excuse and leave Buffy cut in,

"I don't understand. But maybe if we share this, it can be easier, for us both. I'm not letting you go Faith, not now, not ever again." She told her firmly, seeing Faith about to argue she simply said, "Shut up." And threw her arms around Faith's neck, folding her lips across her ex-lover's.

Faith's arms closed strongly around her back, Buffy could feel the muscles of her shoulders rippling. Buffy jumped and wrapped her slender legs around Faith's waist. Faith responded, kissing her harder, biting deep into her lip. She pushed Buffy back against the front door,

"I'm not leaving." She whispered, pinning her body to the wood, "I'm not, I promise."

-*-

"Morning sleepy." Faith ruffled Buffy's blonde hair affectionately. Buffy playfully slapped her hand away,

"Gerroff. It needs a wash." She heaved herself off Faith's warm, soft chest and grabbed Angel's bathrobe from the floor, "I'm gonna shower, that ok?"

"Fine by me, Hon. What do you fancy to kick start the day B? More importantly, what do you guys have in?" Buffy shrugged,

"I'm not big with the cooking, check the cupboards." Buffy leaned down and kissed the crown of Faith's slightly oily hair.

Faith stretched and crawled across the bed, picking up Buffy's white fluffy robe and wrapping it around her. She rubbed her eyes as she made her way through to the kitchen. The first cupboard she opened she found a box of Coco-Pops, half eaten, and pulled them out. The kitchen was haphazard- only partially organised since Buffy had moved him- and Faith could only find one suitable sized bowl for cereal. She piled the Coco-Pops into that and then swung open the fridge, wincing as she saw the hanging plastic containers of chilled blood. She shivered and tried to ignore the sinking feeling it gave her; Faith knew it'd be a long time before she could look at blood again with the same nonchalance.

Buffy entered the room, fully clothed now and towelling dry her hair. She looked at Faith perched cross legged on the worktop, eating cereal with a plastic spoon and couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh I'm sorry," She gulped between giggles, "Guess now there's two girls living here we don't have an excuse for not sorting out the kitchen. She walked over and placed a hand either side of Faith on the worktop, lifting her own body weight off the ground easily till she was at eye level.

"Course, it'll be easy to organise with you doing acrobatics all over the place." Faith pointed out, sarcasm heavy in her voice. They laughed. She dipped her spoon into the chocolate-y milk once more and fed a large spoonful of cereal to Buffy,

"Mmm!" Buffy licked her lips, "Delicious,"

"You trying to turn me on?" Faith whispered playfully, she leaned and kissed Buffy's nose.

"It's not hard." B replied, opening her mouth expectantly for another spoonful of breakfast. She swallowed and glanced casually over Faith's shoulder- unfortunately right where the clock was. "Bugger!" She jumped back from Faith and ran out of the room. Faith looked at the clock and failed to see the problem. She tried to follow her from the room but was nearly sent flying by Buffy returning with a coat, shoes and a bag in her hand. The shoes clattered to the floor and Buffy scrambled to push her feet inside. "I've gotta go."

"I'm late for Giles-Time at the library, not to mention lessons."

"Oh yeah," Faith looked thoughtful for a moment, "I sorta forget you do those. Hey, hold up and I'll swing by with you."

"No!" Buffy remembered Giles' talk last night and doubted very much whether anyone else would be keen on seeing Faith right then; to them, she was still a killer and nothing more. This was going to take more than one night to clear up, and without Angel to back her up Buffy didn't feel like spending the morning defending Faith and getting beaten back. Faith frowned,

"I'm…" She hesitated, "I'm sorry, I know it's not exactly fun for you, sticking up for me. But I don't need it, I'm sorta used to that hate so," Buffy rolled her eyes,

"Don't guilt trip me Faith, I'm late, that's all- and we don't have time to bother with personal issues while I'm trying to keep this town for going under in the next impending apocalypse. I give it a week, tops, before we have another one." She sighed and looked right at Faith, who nodded, dutifully.

"Just keep me in the loop for the next fight, ok?" Buffy looked wary,

"Maybe, if Angel says you're ready to fight." Faith snorted and looked away in frustration but Buffy cut through her retort, "Again Faith, I don't have the time. We'll talk about this later. You can borrow any of my clothes from the room." She added, opening the door and stepping into the cool concrete corridor with relief. _A long way to go…_she thought wistfully.


	4. Over Analysing

**Author's Note: **_Shortest chapter in existance, sorry, but i'm pushed for time right now and trying to update all my stories....:) ah well!! Hope you like it! x_

Faith looked at herself as best she could in the compact mirror on Buffy's side of the bed- Angel's house had no other mirrors. She was wearing a pair of Buffy's black training trousers and a black strappy top, and her hair felt a lot cleaner and nicer, pulled back into a pony tail. She supposed she was trying to kid herself- that she was just popping along to the group meeting at Buffy's college to catch up on some training- but it would never be that way again.

Since Angel had brought her back to Sunnydale, against Giles' better judgement, Faith had been inside the college twice and both times she'd been carefully tailed by Angel (sticking to the shadows) to make sure she didn't get into any trouble. _It's time to go it alone, _she told herself, feeling almost ready for this.

Faith walked through the college grounds, sticking to the gravel paths across the slightly wooded green area that paved the space between dorms and halls in which they worked. The main buildings, where tutorials and seminars were held, also held the cafeteria and Faith guessed that's where they'd be. She doubted whether Buffy and Willow had taken to holding meetings in their own dorm- that would be too close for comfort. Faith was intrigued to see the inside of Buffy's bedroom, but so far she'd only been allowed at Angel's place, and once very discretionally to Giles' for an evening. _I wonder what it's like? _She mused, imagining posters of Oz's band and a few scattered school books, a pile of face creams and makeup heaped in front of a mirror and weapons spilling out of every cupboard, and maybe a picture of the two of them? But maybe that was hoping for too much. Faith's image of the bedroom was not far wrong- but she would never know this.

Entering the cafeteria Faith felt out of place among the students, she'd always felt older than she was, seen it all, done it all- didn't want to be equal with anyone. But college looked like fun, fitting in wouldn't have been bad, even if it meant being average. _I wonder if Buffy's just average when she's here? How does she cope with that? Knowing how much better she is…_Finally she saw the group, Giles, Xander, Cordelia, Willow and Oz. And of course Buffy. All stood around, looking as though the formalities of the meeting were over and they were about to head their separate ways. Faith sped up,

"Hey!" She raised her hand in an awkward half-wave and stopped a few feet short of the group. Giles' face instantly clouded with annoyance and concern, but at least he was civil,

"Hello Faith." Xander nodded, Cordelia didn't even acknowledge. Willow and Oz gave strained smiles,

"We should get to class." Was all Buffy said,

"How's it all going?" Faith's commented dropped like a large iceberg into the atmosphere.

"Nothing to worry about I assure you." Giles muttered firmly and Faith was forced to nod in acceptance.

"Ok," She replied slowly, drinking in the silence with deep embarrassment, "I just wanted to see that everything-"

"Is fine." Buffy said firmly, meeting her eye for a second,

"Better get to history," Willow put in apologetically, taking Oz's hand to show they were leaving. Faith nodded reluctantly,

"I'll be erm…" She glanced at Buffy and registered her total shut down of emotion, "Off." She finished, Buffy nodded but didn't reply, just turned and walked in the opposite direction, Oz and Will trailing not far behind. Faith looked down, still embarrassed and felt her cheeks growing hotter by the second. She did the only thing that made remotely any sense, and left quickly, not even looking at the others.

-*-

Buffy cursed herself slowed down as they neared the lecture room, finally feeling the heat flow away from her cheeks. She allowed the other two to catch up and they entered the hall together. Willow placed them front and centre in her eagerness, as per usual, and Buffy groaned as she reached for her note pad: _No sleeping today then. _

"Willow…" She asked slowly, not sure exactly how the question was going to come out when she did ask.

"You want to know what I'm thinking about Faith?" Will replied, insightful to the point of scary, as usual.

"Pretty much," Buffy muttered a little forlornly, "I think I was harsh then, she's just so-"

"Fragile." Oz finished for her, "I think maybe you were a little harsh, I think she's pretty lost at the minute. I know it's not my call but I think we should include her."

"I know I'm bias, but last time we included her she got someone killed." Buffy looked between the couple, both of them had fair points.

"I just feel like a two faced bitch,"

"How?" Willow was angry instantly, her eyes flashing at Buffy for insulting herself- it was cute- Buffy half smiled.

"I let her into my house, I'm nice to her, call her my friend. And then out there, I don't know, I just…I just blanked her and cut her out. That can't be helping with the confusion." Oz nodded, but Willow took in the full intensity of the comment,

"Did something happen Buffy?"

"No." She replied, a little too quickly, feeling the blush rise again with annoyance. "Nothing, I guess I'm just over analysing. She's dealing with a lot, I have nothing to do with it really." Willow was far from convinced.


	5. Raining

**Author's Note: _Trying to push these out as quick as poss, low on time and energy so this is a little short, hope you enjoy it anyway :) :) _**

Buffy shut the door behind her with a sigh, she'd fended off Willow's suggestion of the gang all coming back to hang out for a while, to make things less awkward with her and Faith. She knew it'd only exacerbate the situation. She went to the work top (not that Angel ever cooked, obviously, but she sometimes used it) and pressed the button on the answer phone machine. Nothing. She sighed again; so Angel was still away mission-ing, and too busy to call. Buffy opened the cupboard and pulled out a glass, leaning across to the sink and turning the cold tap on full. Then she heard a kind of thudding noise coming from the bedroom. She turned the tap back off and put the glass down, moving through the rooms and into Faith's temporary bedroom.

The side light was on, Faith had her jacket and shoes on, and she was doing up the tatty leather satchel bag she had carried around with her since the day her and Buffy had met. Buffy knew that bag contained all Faith's worldly possessions, everything she had ever owned, and probably would ever own, was in that bag- it was her constant friend, and a lifeline to a quick escape in times of panic. But why she should be packing it now, when there was no panic, Buffy had no idea.

"You're leaving?" She whispered,

"I can't stay here." Faith didn't even spare her a glance.

"Here, this apartment? Here, Sunnydale?"

"Both, either." She muttered darkly, finishing buckling the bag and swinging it onto her shoulder. "It's done."

"Faith don't shut me out here- please!" Buffy lurched forward and tried to grab Faith's arm. Faith dodged deftly and ducked past her into the doorway.

"I'm done here."

"Faith what they said, the others, it doesn't matter-"

"It does to me!" Faith turned around, a look of pure desperation as she stood just out of Buffy's touching range, "I can't stay here, all I've wanted is to be accepted, and I blew it. I blew my chance but I thought I got another one- Buffy you gave me another chance! And now Angel's gone, suddenly something's changed, I can't bare this. I can't bare another day knowing that you and I…Bye." Buffy closed her eyes, thinking to herself, _I'm not watching you go Faith- I can't watch you go. _When she heard the door slam shut behind her, Buffy could cry, she cried so hard she had to cup her hand to her mouth to stifle the noise. She was so alone, always, always so alone; she missed Faith and she missed Angel.

-*-

Faith walked the streets of Sunnydale at super speed. Evening was drawing in and she didn't want to be exposed. Any time she heard a siren she turned the other way, any time she found herself circling back towards the college or Angel's flat or Buffy's old home, she deliberately went the opposite direction. She didn't have a plan, but that didn't worry her, she'd wing it the way she always had- just go with it. It started to drizzle. Tiny, icy drops trickled down Faith's skin, under her collar, down her back under her cotton shirt where it began to evaporate, leaving a damp, cold patch for every single drop. Her feet began to splish-splash to the rhythm of her breath as she watched the damp spread across the dark canvas of her shoes, beginning as an intense patch near the toes and then slowly creeping up till the water leeched into her socks as well. Soon her hair was wet through, and her feet carried her to the place she felt most on even ground; the cemetery. Ironically, the part of Sunnydale she'd spent the most time in, trying to make herself better for the people who'd now thrown her away like a lost cause. Not that she'd ever really noticed them trying to help in the first place, they wouldn't even know how to start if she opened her mouth and really told them the truth, Faith doubted very much if Buffy could handle the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

By now Faith was wet to the bone, she staggered to a halt, dropping her bag at her feet and gazing around in truly hopeless despair. She tilted her face skyward for a second and shut her eyes, letting herself just feel. And as the rain washed over her, so did the anger, the inherent madness, and a kind of resolute calm began to trickle over her. Faith raised her hands and ran them through her drenched hair, taking a moment in this human gesture, and then she picked up her bag again and moved under the shelter of a nearby tomb entrance.

-*-

Faith waited several hours, until some time between midnight and dawn, when she knew she had to move from her hollow hide-out. _I'll go to that motel, the trashy one, the first place I ever stayed in Sunnydale. _She almost smiled at the thought.

The motel was right on the outskirts of town, the slummy area, worlds away from Buffy's nice clean-cut, white washed, suburban street. Its silhouette was bleak as Faith walked the last hundred metres up the road in the tacky half-dark half-light of the weak street lamps, she was still damp and her hair was ragged, but she'd blend right in at this place, she knew.

Faith stepped through the yellow, paint-peeling entrance and rested a hand atop the plastic, mock-marble counter-top, while waiting to be served. The lady behind the desk looked nice enough, a blend-into-the-background type, dusty blonde hair and a freckly face, when she spoke, her voice dribbled boredom in ample amounts.

"How many for?" Faith rolled her eyes, they only had one size of room here, however many you booked for,

"What does it look like?" She muttered, her old haughty self still just visible through her miserable appearance. The girl threw her a dark look and tapped a few keys on the keyboard.

"How long for?" Here Faith faltered, how many days should she leave it before she was ready to properly leave Sunnydale behind, for good this time?

"Just…um," She hesitated, "Just tonight." Decisively.

"204, first floor. Have nice stay." The lack of sincerity was almost laughable, except that Faith had no laugh left in her. She scooped up the keys and nodded her head by way of thanks, she'd just rest here the night and then head for the bus station in the morning.

The key stuck a little in the door, a sign that things hadn't changed around here. Faith didn't even look at the grey coloured room with its poor choice in furniture matching, she simply threw herself onto the minimally quilted bed and shut her eyes tight, hugging her bag tight under her right arm for safety.

-*-

Buffy thought she'd never be done crying, and then she thought she'd never be done sleeping. But now she was done with both, and she had to get Faith back- she'd rattled around Angel's apartment long enough by herself.

This presented a large problem though, as Buffy sat on her and Angel's bed eating an apple; Faith found it easy to disappear when she wanted to. Maybe she would run to Angel, but there was no way of contacting him. Faith launched across the bed and picked up the phone handset. Angel had only got it because she had demanded that he become contactable and when he was away she moved it around the apartment with her every time she changed rooms. She dialled her mum's number nervously. Joyce answered on the third ring exactly,

"Hello Summers' Residence."

"Mum, it's Buffy."

"Hi darling, what can I do for you?" Buffy chewed her tongue for a second, wondering how to phrase the question without actually naming Faith, who didn't stand high in her mother's regard.

"Erm, have you had any, er, visits? From…anyone?"

"From who Buffy? Should I be worried about something?" She thought fast, hearing confusion in Joyce's voice.

"Yes!" Spur of the moment decisions were sometimes the best, "There might be a new big-evil in town, and I just got a wig-y feeling, so I thought I'd check if you were ok."

"I'm fine sweetheart, no one's been to the house today, I'll lock the door though. Are you coming home tonight?"

"Bye mum, gotta go." Buffy hung up quickly and dialled Willow's number she knew by heart, "Hey Will!" She announced herself before Willow could even speak, as soon as the dialling tone stopped,

"Buffy? Is everything ok?"

"Faith's upped and left, she hasn't come to you has she?" Willow hesitated in her answer,

"No, she hasn't Buffy. You're going to have trouble finding her if she doesn't want to be found."

"I'll find her, I've got to, I need to find her." Willow took up a reassuring tone,

"You will Buffy, you'll do it, I mean, you know her better than anyone…" She paused again and Buffy knew what she was hinting at; she just couldn't go there right now.

"I've got to go right now Willow, I can't risk her getting out of town, she'll be in danger."

"Ok, if you've gotta then-" Buffy ended the call and let the handset fall to the bed glancing hopelessly around the room, searching for answers- there was just one more person, maybe. She tried the phone for the final time,

"y-ello!"

"Xander! Is Faith there with you?"

"Well hey there Buff! And am I harbouring a psychopath in my mother's basement-erm- no, not since I last went insane. Where has she gone?"

"Would I be calling if I knew? Xander, I'm serious now, do you have any vague guesses about anywhere she could possibly have gone, where does she know in Sunnydale?"

"Well…high school library, worth a shot, see if they've checked out any 'how to cover the evidence' books lately. Or that cheap motel she used to crash at, or the Bronze- except it's not open in the day- or what about the graveyard?"

"Wow Xander, those are some semi-useful ideas. Did you say the graveyard?"

"Where the dead and un-dead party, yeah." Buffy hung up.

She left the house at top speed, running along the well known paths to the cemetery, less than two blocks from Angel's apartment. This was always handy because it meant she could slay to her heart's content and then snuggle without having to walk a mile to get back to the safety of her own front door.

Buffy passed through the wrought iron gates and sighed- she still wasn't fond of this place after all this time. She strode in and out of the tomb stones, stake at the ready. Her eyes darted swiftly around, seeing clear as day, desperately searching for other human shapes in the gloom. Buffy stood in the centre, under the partial shelter of a mausoleum tapping her foot, she took a few moments to decide and then thought she'd risk it,

"Faaaa-iiii-tthhh!" She yelled at the top of her voice. She heard it rebound over the usually silent gravestones and held her breath. Two whole minutes of nothing. "Where else did Xander say?" She muttered to herself, running her hand through her hair. "Graveyard, check, library, unlikely, the Bronze, really unlikely, motel…" She paused, drawing breath slowly, "The motel." Buffy whispered.

Within an instant she took off again, out of the back entrance and onto the main road, heading out of town. Buffy begged her legs to get her to the motel before dawn, hoping that would be soon enough, before Faith inevitably took off.


	6. An Escape From Life

**Author's Note: **_I'm afraid there's quite a lot squished into not much writing, sucks, but i'm very tired and very busy at the moment. Hope you enjoy all the same :) Fuffy Forever!!_

"Faith!" Buffy burst into Faith's damp, rented space and yelled. Faith jumped up off the bed in shock.

"B." Faith sounded wary as she took in Buffy's image, clean, ironed white shirt, new-looking jeans and black heeled boots. Versus her own scrubby, black trousers, and a long sleeve shirt under a t-shirt (Buffy's) which only just fit her. Buffy got distracted suddenly, apparently she'd been making the very same comparison,

"Is that my shirt? You didn't even ask before you took that." Somewhat indignantly. Anger bubbled to the surface and Faith tore the top off,

"Have it!" She yelled, throwing it at Buffy. Buffy caught it before it could hit her face and threw it back with equal force,

"I don't want it Faith, it's not about the top, it's about us. I want you Faith!" Silence prickled the air. The words she had just said had been so real, both of them were reeling in shock.

"Buffy?" Buffy shook her head, looking around for a way out of it, then she just sighed.

"I do Faith, I want you." Faith nodded, taking a huge gulp of air, turning away.

"I-" She faltered,

"Faith, come home, with me." Buffy pleaded, wanting desperately to touch some part of her, in this quiet hotel room where no one would ever know, she wanted so much to take her lover back.

"It's not that simple B." Buffy heard a sniff, she hated it so much when Faith cried, it was terrible. "No more games. I _need _you, not just want, need. I can't lose you Buffy, I can't do it." She turned around and, sure enough, there were tears welling in her eyes.

Buffy didn't say anything, she didn't have to, but she did have to touch her, before her desire began to hurt it was so great. She breached the gap between them and caught Faith's shoulders, their lips meeting again, finally, and devouring one another. Faith pushed her hand deep into Buffy's hair and nestled it there, warm and safe, as tears slipped down her cheeks.

-*-

Buffy and Faith returned to Angel's apartment some time later. Faith chucked her stuff on the floor, shaking a little with the restraint her and Buffy had exercised all the walk home; not even touching hands. Now she couldn't help herself, apparently Buffy couldn't either. They kissed violently, pushing each other from one side of the kitchen to the other with loud thuds as furniture yielded to their force. Faith tore Buffy's shirt off in one go, buttons flying everywhere, and let her hands run freely across her pale skin. Buffy, usually equally as feisty as Faith, seemed to yearn toward her now,

"Faith," She whispered, making Faith's stomach churn. "Make me believe you're staying Faith; take me." In that breath neither of them wanted anything more from the world than each other.

-*-

Faith left Buffy sunk deep into the bedcovers and moved into the bathroom. She was always jealous of how easily Buffy could sleep. She'd used to think it was a Slayer thing, not being able to rest easy, with the whole 'weight of the world'. But lately she'd realized it was just a murderer thing. Faith gripped the cold basin and looked up into the mirror- who was she kidding? She wasn't good enough for Buffy. And even if she was, there was nothing Buffy could do that would ever take away the pain. She gulped in air and looked away again.

Her breathing was heavy, she could feel the burning beginning to simmer inside her; she needed it out.

Faith leaned into the shower and slammed the tap round to cold and on full. She took off her underwear, not for the first time that day, and stepped into the enclosed space. Faith listened to her breath echo off the shower walls, she was so used to freezing water that it didn't even bother her. She was also used to the images swimming with blood, the faces, two of them now, of the people that had got in her way. The people she'd brutally and ruthlessly sliced through to finish the job at hand. The people who, without her trigger happy stake, might still walk, talk, breath, love, the list was endless. Instead they'd been murdered, at her hand, and in the split second of realization she'd always been too late to pull back her arm.

"God!" She shrieked, hating herself. But the release wasn't enough. She could still feel the blood creeping over her skin, down her back, round her legs, playing by her ankles, gushing through her hair; unbearable. And when she looked at her hands, they were stained with deep, fresh, red. "Arrghh!" She yelled again, this time lashing out and sending her fist crashing into the wall. It felt good. She did it again, her knuckles colliding with the tiles to a satisfying crunch. And again, and again, every time skin connected with wall she felt nauseating pain that made her feel better inside. She slammed and withdrew, slammed and withdrew, with more force each time, as if smashing the wall in would solve her pressing personality issues.

Buffy was woken by the yell. It took her a few minutes to adjust to the light and noise, _what the hell is that? _She heard a repetitive thudding and shot up in bed, where was Faith? Tugging on a t-shirt Buffy dashed through into the bathroom. It was small, so no sooner had she heard the torrent of water than she saw Faith's body in the shower, and then realized what she was doing.

"Faith." She called over the rushing sound, "Stop it, Faith, stop!" More urgently. Buffy flinched as she watched Faith screw up her face in pain and ram her fist once more into the solid tiles. "Stop it!" She yelled, leaping in the shower with her.

Buffy grabbed her wrist and wrestled it under control trying to catch Faith's eye. Faith was shaking, and crying, and half yelling; she struggled in Buffy's grip her other hand running over her body, grabbing chunks of her hair as if she was trying to rip it out, tears streaming down faster than the water.

"Faith please," Buffy begged, feeling a squeezing pain grip her heart.

"It's on me, all over me- get it off- get it off! There's blood everywhere B, I can't bear it, make it stop."

"Stop it now." Buffy pleaded, holding her firmly, "Shh, it's ok, I'm here, sshh Faithy." Faith didn't look any less distressed, gasping for her breath through the water and looking around desperately for some escape from life. Buffy did the only thing that ever made any sense around Faith. She kissed her.

Buffy grabbed Faith's head and forced it to face her, pressing her lips to Faith's and pushing her fingers against her flesh. Faith responded with a sigh, like all the pain had fallen away and after some time and a long, deep kiss, Buffy leaned over with her right hand, letting go of Faith's wrist, and screwed the shower tap to the right till the water stopped. She held Faith's head in her hands like it was the most precious thing, feeling damp tails of her sticking to her fingers as their tongues danced around each other. Then, delicately, Buffy pulled Faith out of the cramped shower and wrapped her in a towel, tucking it at the sides so it held up. She didn't need to speak. Just curved her arm around Faith's tired body and guided her back into the bedroom, their wet feet sliding a little on the tiled floor.

Faith lay down and took her towel off, sliding under the covers in a daze. B picked up the towel and dried her feet off before joining Faith, slipping down behind her and tucking her knees tight in behind Faith's legs, linking her arms around Faith's flat stomach.

"We're not getting out of this bed till you've slept a little." She teased quietly. Faith nodded appreciatively, but didn't trust herself to sleep. Buffy watched her cheek muscles contract a little, into the makings of a small, tired smile, and she was content.


	7. Angel

**Author's Note: **_Oh my word sorry it's been so long...exam season is nearly over so the waiting nearly is too. I hope you liike it! **please review :) **love you all!_

"Faith," Faith spun round. She saw Buffy stood in Angel's shirt and jeans watching her carefully. She became hyper-conscious that she was washing her hands, a little too thoroughly and not for the first time. Faith took one last, hesitant glance, and then reached for the hand towel. "How are you this morning?" Buffy smiled a little, noticing how Faith's hair had dried wavy.

"I'm…" She faltered, replacing the hand towel on the silver hook, she pulled the plug out and watch the definitely blood-free water spiral down the hole. "I feel better." As soon as the water was gone Faith could look at Buffy and started to smile,

"Really?" Buffy queried

"Really." She nodded firmly.

She felt more ready to spend time with Buffy now she'd left behind her episode last night. Faith had been dealing with her deaths in the same way since her first accidental-murder; Buffy just hadn't hat to witness her 'dealing' yet. It must have been frightening because for so long Buffy had assumed Faith's couldn't-care-less attitude was a case of what you see is what you get, and it really wasn't.

"Everyday should be like this." Faith pointed out, as they sat playing Jenga and eating Nachos on Angel's kitchen-living room floor. Buffy stuck her tongue out to one side in concentration as she wriggled a middle-piece free of the pile, thinking she'd got it out safely,

"Yeah it- oh no! No it shouldn't!" She squealed as the pile teetered and two top layers slid off. Faith caught a block in each hand, deftly.

"It should." She smiled, replacing them back on top of the stack, "Especially if I keep winning."

"You're not winning yet." Buffy teased, grumpily folding her arms.

"Well I might be winning more if hadn't put those back for you. That's how much I care." It was said jokingly, but Faith couldn't help but pause and drink in Buffy's smile with a long look. And once she'd started, B was irresistible- Faith leaned over the tower and kissed her deeply, "I don't want this to end."

"Me neither." Buffy replied, and for a second, she really believed it was that simple.

Buffy felt her stomach churn as she watched the phone. She hadn't noticed it hadn't rung all day, and that was a bad thing. Angel was due back; very soon, probably today, tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest. She shivered, it was crunch time.

Wrapping her arms around her body Buffy looked down the corridor into the room at the back, where Faith was lying, relaxed, on the bed. She'd never been faced with this kind of choice before. And it wasn't really a choice, it wasn't even the beginning of a choice, it was breaking point. She pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen side, with ease, and suddenly felt a yearning, aching, desire to have Angel back right now, she needed him back right now. She'd missed him so much, and been so caught up with Faith that just- she faltered- it had been a long time she'd spent more than a few hours without Angel. The phone looked dangerous to Buffy, she knew she couldn't ring him because she had no idea where he was; but he must be back soon, it was night time now, he'd be traveling. Wouldn't he?

"B, you ok?" The voice carried softly up the corridor and Buffy smiled, it had been almost a whole five minutes since Faith had last asked her how she was.

"I'm great thanks Faithy." She smiled wider as she brought back the old pet-name. Instantly she forgot the phone and drifted down the short corridor towards the back bedroom. "And how are you?"

"Tired, and I haven't done anything all day. I don't even feel like slaying."

"Me either, and that's a rare day, no slay-y comfort food- doesn't happen often." There was never usually this much smiling going on between the two of them, it was a very rare occurrence if either ever smiled at the other, Buffy wondered, as she wrapped her arms around Faith's slender waist, if they'd ever be truly happy when they weren't a couple- if that was the reason for every little bad thing that had happened of the last few years. Then her stomach churned again, with thoughts of what was to come.

Buffy shot up in bed, her ears fine tuned to any slight sound. But it was the lack of sound that told her something was going on, then the quiet click as the door shut, then the no-sound again. Faith shuffled in the bed next to her, only being trained to hear actual sounds, Faith had no practice at listening for house-trained-soul-having vampires. She panicked, only a little, but a happy butterflies-in-stomach panic as she swung her legs out of bed and grabbed Angel's shirt from the floor to cover her cold frame. Buffy padded down the corridor, getting faster, more excited as she neared the kitchen.

"Angel!" She squealed. Angel's dark, handsome form stepped into the light in the kitchen. He looked tired, and his hair was damp from the rain, but he smiled so brilliantly when he saw Buffy bouncing forward, blonde and messy from sleep.

"Oh Buffy," He scooped her into his arms and murmured into her soft hair. "God I've missed you."

"Mmm," She mumbled unintelligibly, nuzzling his neck, kissing gently up his skin onto his cheeks as he clasped her head with one hand and her waist with the other, pushing up her shift a little above her hip. Finally she kissed his cool, comfortable lips, pressing herself against them.

Faith heard Buffy's outcry and thought something must be wrong, she rose quickly, putting on a dirty shirt- the same shirt she had worn the night of the kill- but she didn't mind. She sprung back over the bed and glided swiftly from the room and into the corridor. Faith sped along it, not sure what she was expecting at the other end.

Whatever it was it hadn't been this. She froze, silhouetted in the doorway, grasping the frame to keep standing; as though someone had driven an ice cold blade straight through her. Angel was back. It was always going to come to this, but the enthusiasm with which Buffy kissed Angel bit at her like acid. Faith's hand flew to her lips, her eyes unable to wrench themselves away, disgusted, her nails clawed onto her mouth with horror; just a few hours ago Buffy had kissed those lips with the same vigor. They broke apart, sharing a tender moment of happiness, then Angel looked up,

"Faith," He kept a hand lightly on Buffy's shoulder, "how are you doing?" He looked genuinely concerned, and Faith felt traitorous looking into his deep honest eyes and knowing what her and Buffy had done.

"Better. Honestly, better." She admitted. Angel smiled still worriedly looking her over and she knew he could tell, he always could, that something was wrong. Buffy sensed the tension crackling from Faith.

"Hey, aren't you kind of tired from patrol?" She raised her eye brows meaningfully and Faith sighed inwardly, of course, they were going to do this whole 'covering up' game, she didn't have a choice but to play along. She gave a non-committal shrug. "I am." Buffy yawned. _You're tired, but it sure as hell isn't from patrol. _Faith tried to stem her angry thoughts, _this isn't helping. _

"Let's all get to bed." Angel agreed, "Although obviously I've got a few hours till my bedtime," He winked at Faith. She half smiled and reluctantly left them alone. She looked back as she reached the back end of the corridor and felt her heart sink, watching Buffy slink into someone else's bedroom.

Faith flopped onto the edge of the bed and sat staring into nothingness. She felt empty. She felt alone. She felt her control on everything slide a little further from her. She could only keep it within her grasp when Buffy's skin was touching hers, as far as she could see it was the only way she could keep herself alive. She needed her so badly. She could remember all of Buffy's most beautiful, magical moments, and all of them stung. The times her and Buffy had laid together in bed, just seconds of making love, and Buffy had look so relaxed and quiet underneath, and her eyes had said everything she'd needed to hear. The time that Faith had showed up, just in the corner of the room quietly so no one would see, to Buffy's prom; she'd seen her in the most beautiful dress ever, she'd sparkled as she danced. Faith's eyes welled up involuntarily.

"That's it." She whispered, "I can't do it B, everything's too heavy now, you're asking too much."

Silently, Faith moved around the room, she picked up her minimal belongings and packed them into her life-line-bag. She tiptoed past Buffy and Angel's room, assuming the gentle breathing was Buffy sleeping but wondering, in fear, if Angel could hear her moving. He probably could if he put his mind to it, but she doubted he was thinking of her right now. She paused in the echo-y kitchen and gently lowered her bag to the floor. She glanced across at the work top, _don't do it Faith, _but she had to, she needed to feel safe. Carefully, although half trying to convince herself she was better than this, Faith reached a hand ahead of her and towards the knife block, she clasped her fingers around the cool, plastic handle of a large kitchen knife, and slid it smoothly from the block. She tested the weight skillfully. Then, knife still grasped, she reached and scooped her bag onto her shoulder, trying to fend of desperate images of Buffy dancing freely in a club. The door opened and closed easily for her, it was her footsteps that jarred hesitantly every second she stepped further down the narrow corridor away from her surrogate-home. Her mind was racing, she didn't know which was worse, leaving or staying? Faith still held the knife firmly, her grasp on reality, her safety net. Without this she had no protection, she couldn't rely on anyone now, just her and her knife. She'd keep slaying, but she'd keep her head down, she'd do right- but quietly- Faith would be dead to the world. That was how she'd shut herself off, that was how she'd stay sane.


	8. The Three Of Them

**Author's Note: **_There are a billion reasons why it's been so long and I wont bore you, simply I'll just say I hope I haven't lost all of you and I hope you still enjoy this story..._

_Buffy headed for Faith, squeezing between two thrusting boys to join her at the centre of attention. The crowd of men around them, eyes in all directions, swelled and jeered. They were dancing, watching, grabbing, but neither Faith nor Buffy had any particular care for them. They could grab all they wanted, they'd never be quick enough to touch. Faith felt on fire. Buffy felt on top of the world. They'd raise the place to the ground in an instant because anything was within their power. Faith's hand reached out for Buffy's, which met it easily, and they interlocked fingers in the centre of their ring of power. Every now and then Buffy's eyes would trace her partner's leather clad legs, or blood red lips, and when she looked away Faith would risk a lusty glance at Buffy's bouncing hair or cleavage. Their bodies mingled with the music, they became entangled in the moment and the movement, in each other. They pulsed closer, then swayed further apart. In a half second Buffy flung her hair back at the exact time that Faith whipped her head round; they were bound in each other's eyes. It was a fraction of a moment, completely lost, but without physically moving they were magnetized to one another. With an empathy that had nothing to do with Slayer Powers they thought with one mind 'What if she wants me? What if I want her? What if…' _

Faith had found an empty shed on the outskirts of town. People clearly lived in the house but were either working extremely long hours, or only used it as a holiday home, either way their shed in their garden was Faith's temporary solution to being invisible. They had a nice cat too, which made it easier for Faith to stay- she loved cats- a black and white moggy of questionable breed that would kip on Faith's sleeping bag till she returned and then hang around till she was asleep, before vanishing into the daylight to hunt. Faith could identify, all she did was sleep and hunt.

As night fell over the random side-street she now occupied Faith armed herself more thoroughly than she ever had in her days with Buffy's gang, she swung herself over the fence and walked down the centre of the road, relishing the sting of cold on her bear arms. It was time for her patrol- as far away as humanly possible from Buffy's.

"Buffy, are you sure you don't want to focus on patrol like Giles-"

"I don't _care _about Giles, ok Angel? I care about Faith." They were about to step out of the front door for another intense night of searching/patrolling and Angel had brought up the warning again; the warning that Faith was probably well out of town by now and all Buffy was doing was alienating the gang.

"I know," Angel looked exasperatedly round for a solution, half expecting one to pop out of the dank stone walls. He wanted to keep looking for Faith too, almost as much as Buffy did, he cared about her in a way that was totally apart from romance, but no less strong, she was the little sister he'd never have. And at the same time, there was a niggling impatience with Buffy's passionate desire to find Faith, he knew where it lay- he'd been around long enough- but it was impossible to confront the issue between the three of them. "You want to split up then? Cover more ground?"

Buffy was torn, but only for a fraction of a second, between safety and speed, "Yes, let's split."

Almost the second they stepped out of the door the rain began to fall in heavy, clumsy drops that instantly drenched rather than gradually dampened. Although Angel couldn't feel the rain it gave him a sinking feeling watching Buffy's slender form sprint into the night, deep wet patches already appearing on her clothes.

Faith was ready to go, she could feel the adrenaline pulsing through her veins, making her muscles twitch, readying her stake. She was coming to the street that held the back entrance to the Bronze; rounding the corner she saw the damp alley with all its obvious vampire hiding spots. Alternatively those spots could simply be filled with under age couples and drug dealers, but in Sunnydale that was less likely than her first idea. Faith kicked a can across the floor ostentatiously; it was enough to stir up two vamps. They came at her quickly from opposite sides, but this was easy for her, second nature. She ducked, shoved, punched, stake right, ducked and dived into the vampire's legs, rolled, staked. They were dust.

She stood up and shook herself like a dog, now she felt ready, felt her nerve endings tingle. She was soaked through but loving every second. Three more vampires converged on her battle ground.

Angel swept methodically through the darkness, trying to pick up Faith's scent; he was somewhat slowed by panic though, so very unlike him, but he knew how dangerous Faith was to herself and hated that he might forever be responsible for what he found when he reached her. Suddenly from the depths of his concentration there was a tiny scratch of a noise, the noise of stake on bones just miles away from where he was- it was as if thinking her name had drawn him to her.

Faith did a quick head count- she'd killed at least eight vampires. _Score for me. _She thought, satisfied, and turned with a slight smile to high-five Buffy and compare notes. Her heart sunk. Buffy wasn't behind her or beside her, and never would be again. Game over, simple as that. Another one was coming, she went to meet it this time, change her attack position. She wanted a quick kill.

She raised her left arm and slammed the creature back into the wall. It grunted as she raised her stake, then an idea flashed through her mind _vampires don't grunt. _It was a man- no a vampire- maybe- a man? Definitely a-

"Faith stop!" Angel's voice rang loudly down the street, bouncing off the high walls.

Faith gasped. Vampire. Staked it.

"No!"


End file.
